Thursday, March 30, 2006


Monkey busy.

So very very busy.


Friday, March 24, 2006

Unan1mous review by Monkey Critic

Wednesday night monkey watch TV show called Unannumberonemous. It about a bunch of stupid humans all locked up together in bunker. They can't come out until they all agree on who gets million dollars.

Monkey took vote after watching. The verdict was unanimous: The show stinks.

Yes, monkey was alone when voting.

Monkey always alone.

Monkey give Unanonemous no bananas. Monkey hope stupid humans run out of oxygen instead.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006


Yes, yes. Monkey know it's Spring. That doesn't mean that suddenly all is right with the world. You stop telling monkey to cheer up now!


Monday, March 20, 2006

V for Vendetta review by Monkey Critic

Yesterday monkey watch movie called V for Vendetta. It starred crazy human in mask and pretty lady Natalie Portman. With shaved head.

Pretty bald ladyPretty bald lady

Monkey was surprised to find out V for Vendetta wasn't just regular superhero movie. It was actually intelligent. Of course there was action and explosions but there was more to it than that. It was political allegory, extrapolating on current affairs to tell story about oppressive government and one human fighting to inspire the rest to rise up.

Monkey think there might be hope for stupid humans after all.

Which makes the upcoming monkey revolution much more difficult. And that pisses monkey off! Stupid humans, you go back to making dumb movies now!

Monkey give V for Vendetta no bananas. Instead monkey suggest humans watch stupid Michael Bay movies to rot your brains.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Cranky Monkey

No post today.

You shut up now!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Cell phones

Monkey forgot to mention one thing in review on Monday:

Next stupid human who talks on cell phone in movie theater is getting face full of poo!

Monday, March 13, 2006

Failure to Launch review by Monkey Critic

Saturday night monkey see movie called Failure to Launch. Monkey not want to see movie, but there was mix-up with plans. Monkey confused showtimes for Ultraviolet with showtimes for Aquamarine. How monkey supposed to remember which movie is which if Hollywood names them all the same? Stupid movies, you have different names now!

As for Failure to Launch, monkey think title of movie says it all.

Monkey rate Failure to Launch no bananas. Monkey successfully launch poo at it instead.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Black. White. review by Monkey Critic

Other night monkey watch TV show called "Black. White." With periods in title. On show white human family gets made up to be black and black human family gets made up to be white.

Monkey think show has good idea and wants to see what happens, but monkey got bored while watching it. And monkey really hate stupid human Bruno. He dumber than a hippopotamus.

Monkey not understand why stupid humans care if skin is one color or another anyway. You all look like skinny, hairless apes in funhouse mirror. You should try looking like a monkey for a day. You would be less ugly but other stupid humans would not be nice to you. Maybe then you understand why monkey so cranky all the time!

Monkey rate Black. White. two bananas. Monkey rate whoever put periods. in. title. no. bananas.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Word Cloud

Because monkey not want to feel left out, monkey give in to peer pressure and make "word cloud" at Word cloud collects all words on monkey's blog and sticks them together. The bigger the word in the cloud, the more often it's used on monkey's blog.

Monkey's word cloud

Monkey notice the word "stupid" comes up a lot. Also "pretty" and "ladies." And "bananas."

Maybe monkey should show this to psychiatrist.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Academy Awards review by Monkey Critic

Last night monkey watch the 78th Annual Academy Awards. For three and a half hours! Why stupid humans take so long to give out little statues? Probably because they showed 37 montages of old movies. And so many speeches. Monkey not care that you thank your grandmother and agent. Keep show moving so monkey can laugh at humans in funny dresses with ridiculous giant poofy bows on one shoulder like the one worn by otherwise pretty lady Charlize Theron.

Pretty lady with silly bowPretty lady with silly bow

And monkey very very upset to see so many humans in the Kodak Theater! Clearly they not want to boycott like monkey asked. King Kong winning stupid Oscars for sound mixing and visual effects not enough! There no excuse for Kong not winning Best Actor. Monkey very unhappy with the complete lack of simian presence on entire show (except for another stupid commercial). If Academy not nominate any non-hominid primates next year, monkey might recruit all monkey's friends and simian-friendly humans to start media campaign and protest show with pickett line outside.

Or monkey might just fling poo.

Probably just fling poo.

Monkey rate 78th Annual Academy Awards no bananas. Monkey rate all humans who went to show instead of boycotting negative one million bananas.

Friday, March 03, 2006

The Office review by Monkey Critic

Last night monkey watch TV show called The Office. Monkey laugh at boss human Steve Carell. If monkey worked with boss human Steve Carell, monkey would go bananas. No doubt monkey would throw poo at him. And Dwight. Also monkey think Jim is annoying, so he would get pooed, too.

But monkey wouldn't throw poo at pretty lady Pam. Only at her stupid boyfriend.

That's a lot of poo. Good thing monkey not work there.

Pretty office ladyPretty office lady

Now that monkey think about it, monkey want to throw that much poo every day at current job. But monkey can't because not want to be fired. Monkey need bananas. You send bananas so monkey can throw poo at stupid human co-workers!

Monkey give The Office no bananas. Also, monkey give current job no bananas. And no poo, either (for now...).

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

The Lottery

Monkey hate stupid lottery. How many times monkey going to have to buy tickets for lottery before monkey win???

Monkey been buying lottery tickets for years now and most ever won was one stupid dollar. Monkey not need one stupid dollar. Monkey need 89 million stupid dollars! Monkey could get lots and lots of bananas with 89 million dollars. And maybe pretty ladies, too.

Stupid lottery, you pick monkey's numbers now!