Thursday, May 25, 2006

American Idol review by Monkey Critic

Monkey watch TV show called American Idol. Monkey think it worst TV show ever! Stupid humans sing boring songs and then get advice from Paula Abdul? And Ryan Seacrest is like an annoying game show host, but with some sort of brain injury. Only good part is when Simon make stupid singers cry.

Monkey hear that this is one of the most watched shows on TV. Monkey not know what this says about the future of you stupid humans, but monkey thinking it might be time for the invevitable Simian Revolution as was foretold in Planet of the Apes movies (NOT stupid Tim Burton's version). Monkey go now. Monkey have to call friends in jungle and make plans.

What monkey feel most, though, is disenchantment. There no place for a monkey critic in world full of humans who are entertained by this stupid crap. Sadly, it time for monkey to retire from the film/tv review business. To the few humans smart enough to visit blog, monkey say thanks for reading.

Monkey give American Idol no bananas. Monkey throw TV through window in anger and disgust.

Monkey go back to jungle now. Monkey say bye.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Thank You For Smoking review by Monkey Critic

Over weekend monkey finally get time for self, so monkey see movie called Thank You For Smoking. Movie about stupid lying human who goes around convincing people that it's OK to smoke. It had funny moments, but mostly monkey felt bad for all you stupid humans who are victims of the constant manipulation of the media.

If monkey knew how to manipulate media world would be much better. For monkeys, anyway. Monkey would convince everyone that the only food worth eating is bananas. And that monkey would make great film critic. Also, monkey would convince pretty ladies that hairy is sexier than bald, prehensile toes are an indication of virility, and long arms mean long... banana.

And monkey's arms are very very long.

Monkey give Thank You For Smoking no bananas. Monkey smoke banana peels instead.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Stupid job

Monkey hate stupid job. Monkey hate that stupid job keep monkey so busy. Monkey hate that stupid humans blacklist monkey from being movie critic and so monkey not have job satisfaction. Or enough bananas.

Why you people not send monkey bananas so monkey not have to work?

For those still reading, thank you for keeping the faith and stopping by monkey's blog. Monkey trying to figure out a schedule that allows posting on a regular basis again. In meantime, you send bananas now!!!

Thursday, March 30, 2006


Monkey busy.

So very very busy.


Friday, March 24, 2006

Unan1mous review by Monkey Critic

Wednesday night monkey watch TV show called Unannumberonemous. It about a bunch of stupid humans all locked up together in bunker. They can't come out until they all agree on who gets million dollars.

Monkey took vote after watching. The verdict was unanimous: The show stinks.

Yes, monkey was alone when voting.

Monkey always alone.

Monkey give Unanonemous no bananas. Monkey hope stupid humans run out of oxygen instead.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006


Yes, yes. Monkey know it's Spring. That doesn't mean that suddenly all is right with the world. You stop telling monkey to cheer up now!


Monday, March 20, 2006

V for Vendetta review by Monkey Critic

Yesterday monkey watch movie called V for Vendetta. It starred crazy human in mask and pretty lady Natalie Portman. With shaved head.

Pretty bald ladyPretty bald lady

Monkey was surprised to find out V for Vendetta wasn't just regular superhero movie. It was actually intelligent. Of course there was action and explosions but there was more to it than that. It was political allegory, extrapolating on current affairs to tell story about oppressive government and one human fighting to inspire the rest to rise up.

Monkey think there might be hope for stupid humans after all.

Which makes the upcoming monkey revolution much more difficult. And that pisses monkey off! Stupid humans, you go back to making dumb movies now!

Monkey give V for Vendetta no bananas. Instead monkey suggest humans watch stupid Michael Bay movies to rot your brains.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Cranky Monkey

No post today.

You shut up now!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Cell phones

Monkey forgot to mention one thing in review on Monday:

Next stupid human who talks on cell phone in movie theater is getting face full of poo!

Monday, March 13, 2006

Failure to Launch review by Monkey Critic

Saturday night monkey see movie called Failure to Launch. Monkey not want to see movie, but there was mix-up with plans. Monkey confused showtimes for Ultraviolet with showtimes for Aquamarine. How monkey supposed to remember which movie is which if Hollywood names them all the same? Stupid movies, you have different names now!

As for Failure to Launch, monkey think title of movie says it all.

Monkey rate Failure to Launch no bananas. Monkey successfully launch poo at it instead.